Ever since puberty I have battled with my weight. I can remember reading the Susan Powder book when I was 14, trying to change my body image. From puberty to early adulthood I wore between size 14 to 16. I was always the chubby, tall, big boobed girl. I was never asked out on dates, was passed over for lead roles in plays, and sat at the nerd table at lunch.
I know that my over eating stems from the emotional stress of my family life and the social rejection at school. To numb a way the pain I would eat anything that was bad for me. I developed a sugar addiction. Another emotional outlet was zoning out in front to the T.V. . From the minute I got home from school I would grab any kind of junk food I could get my hands on and plop my self in front of the boob-tube tell I had to go to bed. obviously I didn't have many healthy habits and suffered from depression.
My Mother also projected her self image insecurities on to me. She bribed me to join L.A weight loss clinic when I was 15, which didn't grant me any long term success. She would also buy me miracle diet pills, which just got me addicted to the caffeine and stimulants in them. Sure I would lose 10 to 15lbs here and there but nothing to make a significant difference.
One of my biggest weight losses occurred while serving a mission for my church. I committed to not eat sugar for the last 9 months of my mission, I went from a size 18 to a size 14.
While in college I did the body for life program and dropped to a size 12. I did receive way more attention at that size. One semester I came down with Mono and dropped to a size 10, which by the way when my mom came and visited me the first thing she said was "Wow, Vanessa you look great, did you lose weight?" Yes I did mom because I couldn't keep any food down for 3 weeks. Just goes to show she was willing to have me lose weight at any cost. She also once said to me " I wish I was this skinny (meaning: she lost an extreme amount of weight after divorcing my father, by the use of diacritic and savor fasting she went from a size 12 to a size 4. ) continuing..... when I was your age and then I could have found a better husband." Right mom because only good men like super skinny women.
Also in college I took power yoga, weight lifting and would work out at the gym more then 3 time a week. I also worked as a waitress for 7 hours a day running tables. I was able to maintain my size 12 and kept busy enough to not over eat.
I met my sweetheart Peter 4 years ago near Halloween. While we where dating I quit school and moved home with my Dad to save money for a wedding. I got a second job for a new start up company called the Weight Loss Company. I was their only weight loss consultant and I helped teach a workout class. The company went out of business right before I got married. But working there kept me in great shape for my wedding.
After we got married, my husband hired me to be the head cook for a Boy Scout Camp in the middle of the Moab desert. This is ware I started to consume more calories. I was still burning quite a bit because of all of the hard manual labor. But after camp we moved to a small town in souther Utah called Cedar City. While in Cedar City I gained over 50lbs and jumped from a size 12 to 20. I didn't have any social outlets and the only thing there was to do there was eat out. I sunk back into my depression habits and the only friend I had was food. I went from extremely active to super sedentary. During this time Peter and I started to try to have a baby. That is when I was hit with the emotional disappointment of infertility. We lived in Cedar City for 2 years.
Little over a year ago we moved back up to Utah County. I thought that this move would solve all of my problems I could be a round friends and family, find a better job and get medical attention for my infertility. I am closer to family but they all have very busy lives and still live 30 minutes away and I only get to see them two times a month. My friends all have babies and it is to hard for me to be around them, I can't relate to them at all. I did find a better paying job, but it was at a very stressful dental practice. I worked 10 to 11 hours a day four days a week, which made it hard to find time and energy workout and I would be so tiered after work I just wanted to eat out. At the end of May I quit my job to work for my hubby at Scout Camp again. This past year I have been seeing my Doctor for fertility, I wasn't ovulating so he put me on fertility drugs. But I have had this unexplained pain on my left pelvic side. It comes and goes during random times of the month. So, I had laparoscopic surgery in the beginning of June. They found endometriosis. Five period cycles later and still no pregnancy.
I had a great time running Camp this summer, but since the end of July I haven't found any work and have sunk back into my depression eating habits. I have been getting a lot of interviews but I think they are discriminating against my weight and that is why I haven't been hired. So I needed to take control of my life and do something drastic to change my weight. That is why I've started the HCG diet. My sister-in-law started the diet and lost over 25 lbs her first phase 2. She has been my inspiration and has been helping me along the way.
Now I will be posting how I am doing on the diet, tips and recipes. I'm hoping that keeping a blog like this will keep me on target.
